Good bye 2013

Well as the year closes, we look back on our year. It's been a tough year emotionally for me.  It's still hard for me everyday to be happy. I have to make a conscious choice to be happy in the area of my little family. It hurts me to hear people complain about their children. What I wouldn't give to be exhausted because my child(ren) have been wild and crazy and wouldn't cooperate. I know that its not all rainbows and sunshine. I know that parenthood is hard, I am not an idiot. I hate being treated that way. When people say "don't you know how much your life will change?' or "you and BJ won't be able to just get up and go anymore if you have kids" No, shit....really? I have no common sense? I can't see that things will be different? I have a very strong feeling that BJ and I will be just fine if we are ever blessed with a child. We are independent enough that it will all be ok. 

Here is to 2014!!! I hope everyone has a great and prosperous year!! 

Childless Couple?

Those words actually came out of my husbands mouth the other day. "Maybe we are gonna end up being the childless couple" does anyone know how much that breaks my heart? No you don't and won't unless you yourself have been here. Have you been unable to give your husband something that your body is supposed to do naturally?

I have done what a doctor told me to do, which was loose a substantial amount of weight. 46 pounds to be exact. I was once told that unless I loose the weight than we would never get pregnant. SO I have accomplished that.

Please don't ever take you children for granted or your pregnancy for that matter. As there are PLENTY of us out there that would love to be in your shoes.

The journey is over....

This journey for us is over. Not because we are pregnant but because making a baby is supposed to be enjoyable.
Seeing everyone around you have something you are so desperately trying to achieve is a hard pill to swallow.
So we have given up and if God blesses us with a baby then so be it. If not, well BJ and I will always have each other and probably a ton of nieces and nephews.
We appreciate all your thoughts and prayers.

Homeopathy

Hello LADIES!!!!

I have started seeing an homeopathic dr, who is also a licenced massage therapist and clinical kineseoligist.....its wonderful to go in and to be "re-aligned". We are working on getting my body ready for a baby.

I have been to him twice and so far I am a true believer in non-conventional medicine.

I am now taking F+ and Ovarian Complex for my fertility. He did tell me to be patient. That it could take up to a year to work. A lot of natural things that we take do not help us in one cycle. I believe that's over stimulation. So 3 months, which is the typical time frame for things will be Dec. I would be so stoked to find out that in 2013 we will be parents. Talk about a HAPPY NEW YEAR.

I am thankful that we are in a position where we could bring a baby into this world and provide what is needed without much difficulty. We are both prepared to bring another life in this world and he/she become our world.....we are hoping for a GIRL. Really for selfish reasons, so we can have the first GIRL of the family! We have two nephews currently and one on the way. So we NEED a girl!  We have been trying so long, that I would be stoked to have the "first" girl. =) We shall see if that's how God feels. In the end, we will happy as long as he/she is healthy!!!!


I am very excited about our journey. I have tried to stay focused on getting healthy and doing what I need to for my body so I will hopefully have no complications and have a happy healthy baby!

Frustrated...........

It was never supposed to be this hard. What happened to all those speeches we get in health? Unprotected sex will cause pregnancy. Just don't have sex period. 

Ugh.....I feel so horrible. I feel like if we would have tried for a baby when we first got married then maybe we wouldn't be where we are now. I KNOW we weren't ready for a baby then. Hell, we barley understood what "marriage" meant. 

I believe that all my weight gain is from being stressed and depressed about the baby I lost. Yes, I am sure some of ya'll reading this will think "its been 4 years get over it" You have a miscarriage and tell me if you EVER get over the baby that you never met! It's not easy. You can consume yourself in other things. However, you can hear a baby cry, hold a new born, listen to the footsteps of a two year old running through a house and laughing and THEN you remember. You could have had a child of your own. A four year old. Someone who would have looked like their daddy and had your smile. You think of the sacrifices of your husband as he went on missions in Iraq and how you can not give him the one thing that he wants so badly. I would give my life to bring my husband a baby. I would do it knowing the consequences.

I don't think your ready for a baby at 18, I don't care how mature you think you are. Things happen for a reason yes, women who have babies that early can and are wonderful moms! I just know that at 18 and 20 neither I nor BJ were ready for that step! 

I think now at 25 and 27 we are finally mature enough to understand what a baby entails. Expense, someone else to consider when making ANY decision. 

I literally just wanna vomit. I don't understand anything. I don't understand why WHY why its not our turn.


xoxoxox

Dear Lord,

Dear Lord,

   I write to you today to tell you and the world that I am thankful for everything that you have given me so far. Sometimes I don't understand your ways, your lessons. Dear Lord, I would not wish what I have been though on my worst enemy. As I sit here and I write this, I look to the sky with tear filled eyes. Knowing there are so many women out there that are having issues conceiving and they can't get passed it. They can't see just how great life is. That being a mom is a part of life, but it doesn't have to be. You can have a happy life without being a mom. Trusting and having a relationship with you Lord is what life is about.

I am terrified Lord. I do not want to take prescriptions. I am terrified that if I do that there will be complications and that will be my fault. My fault for not trusting in you. Letting my path go the way YOU want it and not the way that I want it. I am thankful for everything that I have accomplished in my life. I thank you for answering my prayers and letting me be with the love of my life.


It breaks my heart for others who do not see, just how great life is. We yearn for something that we can't obtain, therefore we yearn for it more. I am putting my trust in you Lord.

Without sadness there could be no compassion. Without heartbreak, there would be no love. 

Nov 29th 2008

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Nov 29, 2008

my life

Current mood:bouncy

i am not very good at this whole "blog" thing...lol....Just wanted to tell EVERYONE how excited that i am that my husband is coming home!!
We are so ready to be mommy and daddy so we are going to work on that when he gets home hopefully the Lord with bless us in the area!
I have the bestest friend in the world!!  I don't know what I would do without her!!!
I am very happy with where my life is right now...The only thing missing of course is my husband lol...but he will be home SOON...
I have learned that everything happens for a reason, and we are to learn from our mistakes. I have hurt allot of people, which isn't easy for me..and if you know me very well you know thats true..I am a big PLEASER...but I have learned that really the only one I should be pleasing is our Lord and Savior. I know that when I put my trust in him that everything will work out as it should. Maybe not the way I wanted but the way he wants it to.
My family is awesome! I love my Granny and Papa....they are the best!! My mom has taught me very good lessons...and has let me learn allot of the things the "hard" way which I think is the best way because you truly learn from them.

I am very blessed to have my life...I know that someone out there always has it worse than me and everything and everyone has a purpose. I love my husband and I support all soliders!! He loves the military and  part of my job as a military wife is to support him in his military career no matter what kind of pain and lonliness that puts me through! I will stand beside him for the rest of my life...