07/6/12
I am just tired. Sick and tired of peeing on a stick, timing sex, waiting two weeks, just to be let down by my body. I am done.
As of today, I am not peeing on anymore sticks. Feels kinda weird to actually be saying it. Its almost like an obsession. I still want our family more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. However, I have got to live in the NOW. I am going to enjoy the life that God has provided for me. After all, tomorrow isn't promised, only today.
I truly value all my friends and my family. I love that each one contributes to my life, whether they know it or not. I love that my husband can still love me, even though we have been unsuccessful in our journey. 4 1/2 years is a long time to work for something that you can't obtain. No one will ever understand unless you have walked in my shoes. As much as you want to, there is no way you ever will.
I thought I was doing good today, until we went to dinner and had such a great time. Its hard to imagine that you get lost in what your trying to accomplish that you loose that. If you say you haven't then your lying. At some point and time, we have to step back.
I suspect a dog and maybe a cat will be in our near future lol.
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