Good bye 2013

Well as the year closes, we look back on our year. It's been a tough year emotionally for me.  It's still hard for me everyday to be happy. I have to make a conscious choice to be happy in the area of my little family. It hurts me to hear people complain about their children. What I wouldn't give to be exhausted because my child(ren) have been wild and crazy and wouldn't cooperate. I know that its not all rainbows and sunshine. I know that parenthood is hard, I am not an idiot. I hate being treated that way. When people say "don't you know how much your life will change?' or "you and BJ won't be able to just get up and go anymore if you have kids" No, shit....really? I have no common sense? I can't see that things will be different? I have a very strong feeling that BJ and I will be just fine if we are ever blessed with a child. We are independent enough that it will all be ok. 

Here is to 2014!!! I hope everyone has a great and prosperous year!! 

Childless Couple?

Those words actually came out of my husbands mouth the other day. "Maybe we are gonna end up being the childless couple" does anyone know how much that breaks my heart? No you don't and won't unless you yourself have been here. Have you been unable to give your husband something that your body is supposed to do naturally?

I have done what a doctor told me to do, which was loose a substantial amount of weight. 46 pounds to be exact. I was once told that unless I loose the weight than we would never get pregnant. SO I have accomplished that.

Please don't ever take you children for granted or your pregnancy for that matter. As there are PLENTY of us out there that would love to be in your shoes.

The journey is over....

This journey for us is over. Not because we are pregnant but because making a baby is supposed to be enjoyable.
Seeing everyone around you have something you are so desperately trying to achieve is a hard pill to swallow.
So we have given up and if God blesses us with a baby then so be it. If not, well BJ and I will always have each other and probably a ton of nieces and nephews.
We appreciate all your thoughts and prayers.

Homeopathy

Hello LADIES!!!!

I have started seeing an homeopathic dr, who is also a licenced massage therapist and clinical kineseoligist.....its wonderful to go in and to be "re-aligned". We are working on getting my body ready for a baby.

I have been to him twice and so far I am a true believer in non-conventional medicine.

I am now taking F+ and Ovarian Complex for my fertility. He did tell me to be patient. That it could take up to a year to work. A lot of natural things that we take do not help us in one cycle. I believe that's over stimulation. So 3 months, which is the typical time frame for things will be Dec. I would be so stoked to find out that in 2013 we will be parents. Talk about a HAPPY NEW YEAR.

I am thankful that we are in a position where we could bring a baby into this world and provide what is needed without much difficulty. We are both prepared to bring another life in this world and he/she become our world.....we are hoping for a GIRL. Really for selfish reasons, so we can have the first GIRL of the family! We have two nephews currently and one on the way. So we NEED a girl!  We have been trying so long, that I would be stoked to have the "first" girl. =) We shall see if that's how God feels. In the end, we will happy as long as he/she is healthy!!!!


I am very excited about our journey. I have tried to stay focused on getting healthy and doing what I need to for my body so I will hopefully have no complications and have a happy healthy baby!

Frustrated...........

It was never supposed to be this hard. What happened to all those speeches we get in health? Unprotected sex will cause pregnancy. Just don't have sex period. 

Ugh.....I feel so horrible. I feel like if we would have tried for a baby when we first got married then maybe we wouldn't be where we are now. I KNOW we weren't ready for a baby then. Hell, we barley understood what "marriage" meant. 

I believe that all my weight gain is from being stressed and depressed about the baby I lost. Yes, I am sure some of ya'll reading this will think "its been 4 years get over it" You have a miscarriage and tell me if you EVER get over the baby that you never met! It's not easy. You can consume yourself in other things. However, you can hear a baby cry, hold a new born, listen to the footsteps of a two year old running through a house and laughing and THEN you remember. You could have had a child of your own. A four year old. Someone who would have looked like their daddy and had your smile. You think of the sacrifices of your husband as he went on missions in Iraq and how you can not give him the one thing that he wants so badly. I would give my life to bring my husband a baby. I would do it knowing the consequences.

I don't think your ready for a baby at 18, I don't care how mature you think you are. Things happen for a reason yes, women who have babies that early can and are wonderful moms! I just know that at 18 and 20 neither I nor BJ were ready for that step! 

I think now at 25 and 27 we are finally mature enough to understand what a baby entails. Expense, someone else to consider when making ANY decision. 

I literally just wanna vomit. I don't understand anything. I don't understand why WHY why its not our turn.


xoxoxox

Dear Lord,

Dear Lord,

   I write to you today to tell you and the world that I am thankful for everything that you have given me so far. Sometimes I don't understand your ways, your lessons. Dear Lord, I would not wish what I have been though on my worst enemy. As I sit here and I write this, I look to the sky with tear filled eyes. Knowing there are so many women out there that are having issues conceiving and they can't get passed it. They can't see just how great life is. That being a mom is a part of life, but it doesn't have to be. You can have a happy life without being a mom. Trusting and having a relationship with you Lord is what life is about.

I am terrified Lord. I do not want to take prescriptions. I am terrified that if I do that there will be complications and that will be my fault. My fault for not trusting in you. Letting my path go the way YOU want it and not the way that I want it. I am thankful for everything that I have accomplished in my life. I thank you for answering my prayers and letting me be with the love of my life.


It breaks my heart for others who do not see, just how great life is. We yearn for something that we can't obtain, therefore we yearn for it more. I am putting my trust in you Lord.

Without sadness there could be no compassion. Without heartbreak, there would be no love. 

Nov 29th 2008

Views (11) · Edit
Nov 29, 2008

my life

Current mood:bouncy

i am not very good at this whole "blog" thing...lol....Just wanted to tell EVERYONE how excited that i am that my husband is coming home!!
We are so ready to be mommy and daddy so we are going to work on that when he gets home hopefully the Lord with bless us in the area!
I have the bestest friend in the world!!  I don't know what I would do without her!!!
I am very happy with where my life is right now...The only thing missing of course is my husband lol...but he will be home SOON...
I have learned that everything happens for a reason, and we are to learn from our mistakes. I have hurt allot of people, which isn't easy for me..and if you know me very well you know thats true..I am a big PLEASER...but I have learned that really the only one I should be pleasing is our Lord and Savior. I know that when I put my trust in him that everything will work out as it should. Maybe not the way I wanted but the way he wants it to.
My family is awesome! I love my Granny and Papa....they are the best!! My mom has taught me very good lessons...and has let me learn allot of the things the "hard" way which I think is the best way because you truly learn from them.

I am very blessed to have my life...I know that someone out there always has it worse than me and everything and everyone has a purpose. I love my husband and I support all soliders!! He loves the military and  part of my job as a military wife is to support him in his military career no matter what kind of pain and lonliness that puts me through! I will stand beside him for the rest of my life...

Dec 26, 2008!

• Views (7) · Edit
• Dec 26, 2008

  our life

  Current mood:grateful

  Hey guys its me! lol like who else could it be hahaha...anyway...Just kinda wanted to ramble for awhile so here it goes: My wonderful husband has returned from the sandbox aka Iraq. We have to now readjust to normal life, if that even exsists. Not only do I have to get used to sharing everything again we have to get used to a cut in pay a MAJOR cut in pay...I feel like we are growing out of this house by the minute lol....We so badly want to get pregnant this year! I am pretty excited though because this time maybe we can time it right, if the government will allow lol. We don't see any deployments for the 2009 but 2010 is still up in the air. Woody feels like he will go again he just doesn't know when. And this time it will probably be Afghanistan. So just keep us in your prayers please. Other than all that we are doing awesome! We have stayed at home with each other since we got home at 11:30pm on the 23rd with the exception of me going to McDonalds once. We went grocery shopping today for the first time in a year...wow..it blew my mind how expensive things are. I have to re-learn how to shop agian. You know its not just the troops re-intergrating into civialin world its also the spouses re-integrating into married life!!
  
  Well I wish everyone a safe and prosporus(however you spell that lol) year!!
  
  
  

Amazing what we take for granted....written Oct 2008

I found this with a couple others on my MySpace page!

Oct 18, 2008

Amazing what we take for granted

Current mood:blessed

Isn't it amazing what we take for granted each and everyday? I was driving home tonight from my moms..who had made a very good dinner..absolutley delicious. I noticed this cute little house that pass each and every time I go to my mom's house. But tonight it looked so cute..the lights in the living room where on and its chilly outside. And that got me to thinking...how nice it would be to snuggle with my husband..feel his lips touch mine. I miss my husband very much. I want to be in our house where we can snuggle on the couch together...

July 2007- he left to go to New Mexico and do boarder patrol
August 2007- We were told that he would be sent to Iraq
Sept 2007- This is the last full month that we got to spend together.
Oct 2007- Got his active duty orders to go to FT Chaffey also the same month we found out we were pregnant.
Dec 2007- Dec 4th had a DNC to remove our baby from my uterus, Dec 21st had a two week break together
Jan 2008- stationed at Camp Shelby MS
March 2008- Got to spend 5 days with him, then he left for Iraq.
This time alone has absolutley made me a stronger person, I was a weak weak little girl before this. I couldn't communicate exactly how I was feeling. I felt alone, I felt like I wasn't loved by my own husband. But most of that was my own insecurities.
Aug 2008- opened up to my husband....I cried and cried this month....
Sept 2008- Found the Lord, learned that the battle isn't with the other person. The battle is with yourself. I have learned that you must have full trust in the Lord that he will take care of your problems if you live your life through him. I love my husband with all my heart.
Dec 2008- This will be the best month of the whole year!! My sexy husband will be home. We can start our family.
I thank the Lord everynight for my husband, that he is strong enough to go to war zone and still be strong enough to love his wife...with all her problems! I pray for God to keep his strong while he is over there to keep it up, so we can work on it more.

I love you woodrow j boblett III with all my heart and I can't wait until you come home and hold me. I need you.

Letting go...of emotional baggage! =)

So, its only taken me 4 years to get to this point. However, I believe holding the anger, jealousy and resentment for the people who choose to have kids "when I think they shouldn't" is just holding me back. Its not for me to say that they are not RIGHT where they are supposed to be! Things happen to people for a reason, I really have no idea why we aren't pregnant after 5 years of trying and one miscarriage 4 years ago. 

I will have to say that this is the hardest journey that I EVER been on. I LOVE my life right now.

It was really hard for me to come to this point. I do realize that I have to let go of this anger I have. Its hard for me to admit that I am angry, jealous, and most of all heart broken. I know that we will be blessed with a bundle of joy at some time. Right now, we just keep living. We keep on going on........and one day I will scream from the roof tops of our joy!

Ok...I just cant do it!

On 7/6/2012, I posted that I would not be peeing on any more sticks. WELLLL.....I can't help it. I can't "give up" so to speak. I have found a closed Facebook group that is all about women TTC and having problems, where belly pics and complaining about how uncomfortable you are is NOT ALLOWED.

I can't just turn off the want to have a baby. I believe that its in "most" women's DNA.

 I was told by a local PA that unless I lost a lot of weight that I would NEVER become a mother. That's just absurd! That right there should have been a HUGE red flag! However, I trusted the PA and the Dr. she worked for. Therefore, I battled with diets....which never work. You should never be on a diet where you can't have certain things.

Anyway, saw another Dr. who told me as long as long as I am ovulating that really my weight doesn't matter in the conception process. She prescribed me Clomid as I was not ovulating at the right time. Well I took it once and since then I have been ovulating ON TIME! =) Next step, will be to get my husbands semen analysis done so we can make sure our swimmers are good enough! 

I am overwhelmed by the out pour of support that I have got since voicing my journey!

Yes, I am aware that a healthy weight helps create a healthy baby. However, I have saw women who are a lot bigger than I am go on to have healthy happy babies! 

So, I will continue to pee on my OPK's. I will continue to walk/jog my 4 miles a day 6 days a week. I will continue this journey until I reach my goal!!!

I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!!! I will try to not stress out about it. I will try my best to make my surrounding the best for conception!

I am SO done........for now atleast......

07/6/12

I am just tired. Sick and tired of peeing on a stick, timing sex, waiting two weeks, just to be let down by my body. I am done. 

As of today, I am not peeing on anymore sticks. Feels kinda weird to actually be saying it. Its almost like an obsession. I still want our family more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. However, I have got to live in the NOW. I am going to enjoy the life that God has provided for me. After all, tomorrow isn't promised, only today.

I truly value all my friends and my family. I love that each one contributes to my life, whether they know it or not. I love that my husband can still love me, even though we have been unsuccessful in our journey.  4 1/2 years is a long time to work for something that you can't obtain. No one will ever understand unless you have walked in my shoes. As much as you want to, there is no way you ever will. 


I thought I was doing good today, until we went to dinner and had such a great time. Its hard to imagine that you get lost in what your trying to accomplish that you loose that. If you say you haven't then your lying. At some point and time, we have to step back.

I suspect a dog and maybe a cat will be in our near future lol.

First cycle!

Ok so I actually ovulated on day 14!!! I know that some women ovulate later sometimes day 16 or 17 and have healthy babies. However, I was told by my Dr. That it's ideal for me to ovulate on day 14. Now, with that being said, I have been walking 2-4 miles a day 6 days a week. I think that has made a huge difference. That coupled with a lack of stress. We baby danced the night before and I laid completely flat and went to sleep. I read where pineapple juice is supposed to help the egg actually implant into the uterus. So we will see. I am really trying to not get excited. It's just hard not too.

Here is too the Two Week Wait!

Hello stress free enviroment, is this possible?

Ok, so as of last Saturday the 9th of June, I completed my FIRST week as a housewife. I am not real sure how things used to get done, oh that's right they DIDN'T until I just couldn't stand it anymore lol. Its so strange. While I am resposible for keeping the house clean and paying the bills, my life has become a WHOLE lot less stressful. I LOVE getting to laugh when my husband and I take a walk. I LOVE not being worried about where our money is coming from.

How wonderful is it to have this freedom!!!! I most of the time, don't even wear any makeup. What a freeing experience. To know, that my husband has taken all the responsibility to himself to help relieve my stress and hopefully start our family. For once, he has put ME first! He acknowledged last night that when we first got married (7 years ago in August) that I was not his priority. He did what he wanted to do regardless of my wants or needs. It felt good to hear that. I needed that. I know a lot of ya'll who read this don't know me from Eve. I didn't become a "worrier" till we started TTC'n. This journey has changed me in ways. I look at others whom are pregnant and think ok, my situation is much more stable then theirs, why not us? What must we do in order to achieve this?

This JUDGEMENT is NOT fair. Who am I to judge? What makes me any better than anyone else? NOTHING.....I am NO better than anyone else. I want to so badly to be happy for pregnant people. I have been praying that God, will help me put my shield down. Help me move passed this, move passed being so bitter.I believe that he will...I believe that he already has. I just have to open up and be happy with MY life NOW and be in the NOW not looking down the road saying WHEN will it be MY turn.

DISCLAIMER: I know a few great ladies that are pregnant right now. This is NOT directed at anyone. In the last 4 YEARS, I have struggled with this. This is my way of dealing with MY issues. This is MY blog.

Last week of WORK!

This week is my last week at work! While I have waited for this A LONG time, I am not completely ready to let go. I have every emotion that you can possibly have.  I KNOW this has to be done in order to be with my husband.

On one hand I am frustrated, I have offered everything that I know of in order to compromise and still be able to work, but work from WY. Now, with that being said, 98% of what I do can be done from somewhere else. We work on an internet based program. They offer me a substantial raise and tell me that I can go see him once a month. However, when I want to stay an employee with a change up of how things get done, then its a no go. Anyway, I have washed my hands of it.

On the other I AM READY FOR THIS JOURNEY!!!!

So Friday, June 1st will be my last day. I will head to WY the 2nd. I am ready to be with my husband. He is my everything. I have said this before and will say it again. I truly hope that every single woman gets to feel the love that I feel when I am with my husband. Does that mean that we don't have fights? Does that mean that we don't want to even see each other sometimes?  There are days where I'd like nothing more than for him to leave, to just leave me alone. "RELATIONSHIPS" are just that relations with someone else. We are each different and we each like to do things our own ways, but some times you just have to compromise.

Each year I learn to let go just a little more, to trust in my husband and trust that God has a plan and we are to follow that plan. Since our TTC journey, we have become closer. He has held me and just let me cry on my bad days. I couldn't imagine living without him.

New Journey!

As of June 1st, I will be a house wife and June 2nd I will be heading to WY to be with my amazingly hot husband! I am nervous, excited, terrified, happy, sad, anxious and ready! I believe that I am making the right decision!

I hope that everyone can find the love that BJ and I have. When I first met him I knew that I wanted to be with him, even though I thought I was in love with someone else. He had my heart from the first hello! Yes, ladies that does exist! I can not believe that BJ and I have known each other for 12 years this year. We have been together since I was 16 and he was 18! We got married two years later in 2005. We will celebrate our 7 YEAR wedding anniversary this year (2012). We bought our first house in 2006. We still own that house. We have since bought another house, with 10 acres in 2011 but we have been living there since 2009.
We are about to embark on a new journey where "traveling" is our life style.
I am so happy that I get to spend the rest of my life with someone who challenges me at every turn. Someone who is the complete opposite of me.
Don't get me wrong, we have some VERY low and VERY hard times. I am sure we will still go through some more of those times, but I know as long as we stick by each other and continue to love each other that we will make it!

Clomid-Round 1

Well, had our first round of clomid. Sad to say, that there is not a baby boblett on the way. =( I knew the chances of it working the first time were slim. I had very few issues with the meds. Some pain around ovulation, but that was to be expected.

My husband has accepted a job in WY on the pipeline. Therefore, we are currently not together. So there will be a break in Clomid for a month, then when I go to WY, I will re-start the Clomid then! Maybe since I will be able to relax and not stress about much, maybe we can FINALLY have the family we have wanted for a LONG time.

I just want to tell everyone thank you so much for your support and prayers!!! Our journey isn't over, we have a long ways to go!

Clomid....first round

My doctor put me on 50mg of clomid to hopefully make me ovulate sooner in my cycle. I needed to get a positive opk on day 13, since your LH surge peaks 24/48 hours prior to ovulating. Well today is day 13 and no :) for me. :(

I have only two more cycles for this work, if it's gonna work. Bad part is, I have to "time" coming to WY to "visit" around when I will be ovulating.

I could quit work and come up here and focus on starting a family, but what happens if this is his only job on the pipeline? What if, he doesn't like it? You know that's when I will get pregnant. When we have no way to support a baby. He would muddle through it if he had too, but then life would miserable.

Ugh, I just don't understand. On a side note, here is the view from where we are staying in Cheyenne WY.

I will be going home Monday the 30th to try an live life normally. Yeah, that will be fun.

Its ok to cry..............

This is my husbands last weekend at home. Last night was rough for me. I am going with him but I have to be home the first of May, to go back to work. I just cried and cried.....I felt like since I chose to stay here and not move with him that I chose money over being with him. We are renting our house out so we wont have any of the bills. Which I think may really have set my emotions off, because if we don't have household bills to pay for what do I need to stay for??? On the other hand, I love my job (not that its perfect but I don't dread going in every day).........I took my first round of clomid, so that could have my emotional state a little out of wack.

Its gonna be extremely hard for me to leave him when the time comes!

Putting our journey on hold.

My husband has been offered a job to work on a survey team on a pipeline, which is in WY. So even though I have been prescribed Clomid unless AF comes within the next two days, there will be no chance for conceiving this month.

He won't be coming home except on holidays. :( We can't afford for me to go at the moment. That's not saying it's out of the question. It's just not in the cards right now.

My goal will be concentrating on myself to eat healthier, loose some weight and stay BUSY! I am not gonna enjoy the nights alone but I know this is a wonderful job opportunity.